Either they are really good at marketing, or my “self” is great at deceiving me, or probably – both.

Perhaps it’s not them, but me. Maybe I’m just not that strong.

Regardless, buy things doesn’t make me happy, yet I keep falling for the same tricks.

It’s always something…

Today it might have been a cello, while yesterday it was a new TV. The option isn’t really important, because no matter how I defend, using logic against emotion, against the feeling that I absolutely must buy something or my life isn’t complete, there’s always tomorrow with a brand new something that I suddenly must buy.

It’s a book, that I’ll probably never read.

It’s a video game, that I’ll probably stop playing after a day or two.

It’s a new yoga mat, or a pair of running shoes.

It’s always something to keep me from doing what I really should be doing, which is the hard work.

The hard work of meditation.

The hard work of writing.

The hard work of running.

The hard work of being compassionate.

The hard work of helping others.

Perhaps people felt this in a pre-consumerist world, but it doesn’t matter, because it is what it is.

Buying things might make you (or me) happy for a moment, but then it’s on to the next one, and damn that’s a hard thing to accept.

My emotions say “this is the last one, I promise!”

My rational mind says “you got me last time, I don’t believe you.”

Yet the emotion wins more often than not, and again I come to realize that this much is true:
The world, your mind, and everything outside of your own true nature, will try to convince you that you are not complete. You are complete…you just have to accept the responsibility that comes with that.

Are you ready to do that? Am I?

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A baby, perhaps you could say toddler, at just 14 shining months, had sadly lost its life in an accident. It was something you’d never think would happen to you – a bite of a pretzel. Just a pretzel, yet it took a life full of hope, and sent it home before its time.

This story was especially hard hitting to our family because we have a 14 month old, and he’s so full of life and love that I cannot imagine life without him.

This was not someone from the news, but the child of a friend, of a friend. Three degrees of separation.

For this family, life will never be the same, and even though I don’t know them, I grieve for them.

I don’t say this to get you down, or to make you feel sorry for them. I say it to remind you that know matter where you are in your dharma journey, or what you know about life and the impermanence of it, that there’s one thing you can never do too much, which is to give.

Give your love, give your compassion, and give your things.

Tell those in your family, and at arms reach, that you love them and that they matter, because no matter how far we must travel alone, we still travel together, as each other.

When I think about a scratch on my new car, or a chip in my iPhone, or a bad month at work, I have nothing to complain about, because no matter how much I lose, there’s always someone, at this very minute, losing that which is most important to them.

Living the dharma is not just about spirituality or about learning to live stress free and present. It’s also about learning to live without.

Cherish every moment.

One of the problems that occurs when you learn to live your dharma is that at some point, things start to become OK, and your suffering starts to diminish. And while a lack of suffering seems like a great problem to have, or even problem-less, for a novice like me, it can lead you to a place of contentment where you don’t feel you need dharma anymore.

Suddenly, things are alright, and you drift back into a state of worldly seeking. It’s almost automatic, and such a gradual change that it is very difficult to discern.

At some point, you’ve closed your senses to the dharma and your connection to the spiritual closes off. That’s when the universe has no choice but to disrupt your life – often times in a dramatic fashion.

Very recently, this happened to me. Things were going OK, and I stopped reading, meditating, and learning. It wasn’t that I didn’t care, but I just couldn’t find the time.

I started craving, desiring, and seeking. I was seeing red, where before I was seeing blue.

At first, the universe tried to tap me on the shoulder. Little things started to break. Clothes started to stain. I couldn’t find my watch.

No big deal. Those things are inexpensive, and I can easily fix or replace them.

The message went unnoticed.

Next, the universe tried a bit harder. It spoke in my ear and put a little pressure on my arm.

I woke up and someone sprayed silly string on my 10 year old car. No big deal – it’s old, and it’s paid off. It already had a few scratches anyway.

The universe didn’t give up.

It started following me everywhere, cutting me off as I tried to walk away.

My precious iPhone, which was in perfect condition, suddenly fell out of my pocket and got scratched and dented to hell. For a few days I fumed over it, and then I stopped caring. The new iPhone was coming out in June, I’ll just buy a new one then.

The universe kept going.

It gathered full speed and tackled me to the turf, holding me down while it spoke.

My brand new car, which happened to be the most expensive car I’d ever purchased, got hit by a rock and got its first dent. A few days later, a scratch showed up. Later, my Macbook Air, another new shiny device I was proud of, fell off the couch and got its first ding.

Suddenly, things were falling apart all around me, beginning with my most beloved and expensive possessions.

And that’s when it hit me.

Nothing Lasts Forever, Even if You Try to Force it to

Of course I knew this already, but I tried to hide in ignorance. As you can see, it didn’t work.

The interesting thing about dharma is that when you stop practicing, it starts practicing for you. I had shut the universe out of my life, leaving it no choice but to interrupt to get my attention once more.

It now has my attention.

This was my lesson on impermanence, and it hurt. I learned that you can’t outrun it, no matter how hard you try. I learned that even the sturdiest and most valuable possessions will fall apart before you are ready for them to. Most importantly, I learned that it’s coming for me next.

Acknowledging impermanence is suffering, but it’s less than what comes with ignorance. The universe has endless energy, and it never gives up. We are the rock the waves beat against in order to create perfection.

“I died as mineral and became a plant,
I died as plant and rose to animal,
I died as animal and I was man.
Why should I fear?
When was I less by dying?”

-Rumi

When I was a teenager, I used to spend hours in my room doing nothing but listening to music.

I’d slip on a pair of headphones, and spend the rest of the evening thinking about the world…what it meant, who I am, and where I belong. I’d think about my past, my present, and my future.

Sometimes I’d get excited…sometimes I’d sob.

Music touched me in a way that nothing else could, and it was some of the best “me time,” I’ve ever spent.

The World Barges In

And then something happened…

I got caught up in trying to earn a living.

I got caught up trying to be there for my friends and family.

I got caught up trying to plan a perfect future.

Soon, I’m not spending any more time in the corner of my room with the headphones on, and I’m losing touch with the deeper aspects of life.

Don’t Forget

Death catches us all, and he who is least prepared is most distressed when it comes.

I’m not trying to bring you down, but the truth is…we only have a finite time to spend in this existence…why not make it count?

Making money is great. Being a great husband, wife, father, or mother is great. But don’t forget the rest. Don’t forget that spiritual part of you that is always the last to be fed and the first to be neglected.

I forgot, and it took a long time before I realized why I was unhappy. So you know what I did to fix it?

I put on a pair of headphones.

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Image by Suckaface

Let’s face it, we all struggle through pain and suffering at some point in our lives. Often we struggle with minor issues daily, but there comes a time when larger events, such as death, illness, or depression sideswipe us from nowhere, sending our lives into an out of control mess.

Like you, I’ve been there and although it would be easy for me to say that I have mastered this, I would be lying. In fact, dealing with pain is one of the greatest issues I face on my own personal journey towards enlightenment.

I’ve been wracked with depression, illness, family issues, and more…but the times I’ve made it through least scathed were the times where I tried to take a step back and see the greater picture.

It Comes Without Warning

Let me give you an example – years ago I was facing some personal issues and was driving home from court (paying a speeding ticket) and saw one of my favorite cats dead in the center of the road. Here I was happy that I’d gotten a little break from the judge only to find that something I love lay dead in front of me.

Often times we’ll find that things like this happen immediately after good things happen. Although, I’ve come to adapt the mentality of “if things are good now, they will soon get worse…and if things are bad now, they will surely get better,” it isn’t easy to adjust to the blow of pain in any circumstance.

In this example, I grieved for days and couldn’t get over the guilt of letting my cat outside before I left. Then one day I was walking through a local bookstore and saw Pema Chodron’s book: When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times.

The book really helped me get through my grieving, but also to step back and realize that there are certain things in this life I simply cannot change. Things happen for reasons beyond my understanding and as painful as it may be, sometimes it has to be.

The key is to try and learn from the pain. I know you’ve probably heard it all before, but I firmly believe it to be true. Were it not for some of my most difficult times, I would not have found my way on this long and important journey. Our pain and suffering shapes us into following our true paths.

The True Root of Pain

I’ve also come to realize that a large majority of my pain comes from issues that boil down to one thing – Fear of Death.

When illness, income issues, or even marital issues come up, I realize that more times and not the stem of the pain is me being afraid of death. Now, it may seem odd, but think about it like this:

When I lose my job and I am worried about money, what I am really afraid of is that I won’t have enough time to get back what I’ve lost. Now, what I really forget in this case is that when I die, it will all be lost regardless of how much I collect or gain back. When I ignore this fact, I am ignorant of my own death and as I continue to run away from it, I continue the cycle of fear.

In the end, when I come to grips with my own mortality and realize that like it or not, someday I will perish, I can let go of my pain much easier. Holding on to pain only makes you hurt more, but realizing that in the end…no matter how much pain and suffering exists, death will come…can make the journey easier.

Buddhists focus on death because by conquering your fear of death you master much more than your own body. You master pain, suffering, and perspective. A good book to learn more about conquering your own fear of death is The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying by Sogyal Rinpoche. I’ve learned a lot from that book and it was one of the first I read when my journey began.

Living Your Dreams

In the last two parts of the series, I talked about eyeing the world with innocence, and keeping hope alive. In the final installment of this series, I’d like to talk about keeping your dreams alive. Now, nowhere in the manual of life does it have to say that you have to reach for the stars. However, I’m betting that when you were a child you had a great many dreams about what you expected out of life. Now if you compare the dreams of your childhood or teenage years and with your life now, I am betting that the two are a little out of sync. This doesn’t mean you’ve failed or that you’ve given up, but it does mean that one of two things happened:

1. Your dreams have changed     …or
2. You lost them somewhere along the way.

If your dreams have changed, then there is nothing wrong with re-evaluating what you want out of life. The key is to make sure you don’t forget that part of the process. If you dreamed about being a therapist and later thought you’d rather travel the world and be a missionary, then it is important to note that change in philosophy. I highly suggest keeping a journal for things like this. I keep a notebook within arms reach at all times, and in this notebook I chronicle everything I want to be. I write down reminders for action as well as reminders of who I was and what I am.

I’m not suggesting we strive to achieve meaningless physical goods, but that you simply keep track of who you are. It is so easy to get caught up in the grind and struggle of everyday life that sometimes we forget where we were headed. This is especially important when it comes to spirituality. If I want to meditate or keep a certain mindset it can be very difficult without a reminder at times. What I’m trying to say is that it is easy to get off track and eventually we get caught in the current and lose ourselves in the process. Rather than letting this happen to you, spend some time figuring out what makes you happy and what kind of life you’d like to live. If you aren’t actively living, then you are going to get pushed in a direction you may not want to go.

Now, if you don’t fall into category one and simply lost your dreams in the process then it is important that you recover them immediately. Whether they were forced out of you by working a 9-5, you gave up on them, or you simply pushed them into your subconscious you need to get back to the dreaming self you were as a child. The most recognizable symptom I notice when it comes to someone leaving their dreams behind is that they have also lost their imagination. Maybe you feel guilty going against the grain, or maybe you just haven’t spent time relaxing and letting your imagination go wild…but I am betting that you could use the relief gained from going on an imagination trip.

I really enjoy mind mapping for something like this, although a blank sheet of paper will do just as well. Start by writing down what sort of things you would like to have in your life on a daily basis. Maybe its more yoga, maybe learning a musical instrument, or maybe learning another language. Anything is possible. I know this sounds like a typical self-help exercise, but bear with me just a moment.

I’m confident that if you just engage your imagination as often as you can, you will find yourself seeing things in a different way. You will start to release yourself from the bonds that keep you down and you will start dreaming again. This dreaming is what will allow you to focus on the path that leads you to your dharma and to start walking it with confidence. Everyone’s journey is unique…we have to drive our own train to freedom!

Dreaming allows you to feel ok going against the grain. Dreaming keeps you young at heart and your imagination on fire! Dreaming teaches you that this world is not what it seems, its up to you to get there!

So in the end, I’m asking you to look beyond the ignorance and try to see the world for what it really is…a beautiful and unlimited masterpiece! Find hope in your world and pass it around to those that need it most. And don’t forget to bring that little child inside when you venture throughout the world. He/She wants to stroll right along side you and help you keep the innocence alive.

I hope you’ve enjoyed reading this series as much as I’ve enjoyed writing it. I’m looking forward to your comments and hope you share your journey with me as much as I have mine with you. Until next time…

Padma

Hard times force parents to send eldest son to orphanage – CNN.com

JAKARTA, Indonesia (CNN) — Ahri’s chin quivers, and his large dark eyes fill with tears the 11-year-old can’t control.

Holding Eka Jaya, Nuraini leads son Ahri, 11, to the orphanage with dad Joni Lubis and brother Mohammed.

“Be tough. I am sorry you have to go,” his grandmother whispers while hugging him.

His parents are taking Ahri to live in an orphanage. They swear they are not abandoning their son.

“I am not throwing my child away,” says his mother, Nuraini, wiping away tears.

“I just want him to get a proper education. I hope that one day he’ll do something useful for this country and help his brothers, because we are living in poverty.”

The family lives crammed into a home that’s 17 feet by 17 feet in a poor neighborhood on the outskirts of Jakarta. Nuraini runs a small shop the family opened to try to make ends meet. Ahri’s father, Joni Lubis, collects bottles from the streets, selling them to plastic and glass factories. Watch Ahri say goodbye »

Ahri’s parents make $2 to $3 a day, with about half of that going toward their daily rent. With the increased cost of living, what’s left just isn’t enough to send Ahri to school and to feed him and his two brothers, 3-year-old Mohammed and 7-month-old Eka Jaya.

“I never imagined it would come to this,” Nuraini admits.

But for many Indonesians, it has.

More than 80 percent of children in child care institutions have both their parents, according to the most recent survey conducted in 2006 by the Indonesian government. A recent study by Save the Children, UNICEF and the government says Indonesia — the world’s fourth most populous nation — has more orphanages than any other country.

This year, orphanages are reporting even higher number of parents giving up their children because they can no longer afford to feed them or send them to school.

In the past year, the cost of living increased beyond many people’s reach. In May, a 30 percent fuel hike set off countrywide protests.

Ahri peers intently as his mother signs off custody of him to the orphanage. The other children cram their faces up against the window to see the new arrival. At least half of them at the Putra Utama 1 orphanage have been through this before as well.

“The prices have gone up. [Families] can’t balance their income with the prices,” orphanage staffer Utari says.

“By putting their children here, they are hoping that their children’s education will improve.”

It doesn’t take long for Ahri to make new friends. Soon, he’s stuffing rice into his mouth and chatting with the other boys.

His parents stand against the doorway and watch their son playing soccer. Here at least, there’s enough space to do so.

“If my son can adapt, then I am happy,” says Ahri’s father, Joni Lubis. “I can see that it’s calm and peaceful here. That makes me happy. So does the school — my son can be educated.”

It’s all they can hope for: that economic pressures will ease so they won’t have to face such a decision again.

Technorati Tags: dharma, live the dharma, suffering

I won’t bore you with the details, but I was finishing a project on my car that I had been putting off for weeks. As I started my work, I could tell immediately that it was not going to go well or according to plan (isn’t that the truth with everything?). There were scratches involved, drilling, and even an incident with the keys being locked in the trunk. Rather than panic and start worrying about damage or inconvenience, I kept reminding myself that regardless of the outcome my life would be fine and that material things can always be replaced. A year or so ago I would have been stressing out and my tension would have made the situation drastically worse. However in this case, my calmness and big picture view of the situation helped me overcome the obstacles and succeed in my task.

It is so easy to annotate every single bump or scratch our possessions get over the course of us possessing them. That used to be me. When you take that perspective, your possessions end up possessing you and you end up living a life of neurosis and addiction to quick fixes. There is an alternative to this though, which can lead you down a road of peace. We all know that the things we are lucky enough to have, will eventually be lost, stolen, will break, or just won’t work anymore. Using this realization, rather than logging the incidents in which this happens, we can do the opposite and be thankful for another lesson in impermanence. Remember, no matter what your spiritual beliefs may be, we all know that we cannot take anything with us to the grave. In my case, when I scratched my car I understood that eventually my car will be scratched with my help or without it. Instead of frustration, I was just thankful in a silly sort of way, for another lesson in impermanence. Try this in your life when things go wrong and I bet you’ll start taking ground back from the things that own you. Life is too short to worry about silly things.