Learning from Pain
Dec 11th, 2008 by padma
We All Go Through It
Image by Suckaface
Let’s face it, we all struggle through pain and suffering at some point in our lives. Often we struggle with minor issues daily, but there comes a time when larger events, such as death, illness, or depression sideswipe us from nowhere, sending our lives into an out of control mess.
Like you, I’ve been there and although it would be easy for me to say that I have mastered this, I would be lying. In fact, dealing with pain is one of the greatest issues I face on my own personal journey towards enlightenment.
I’ve been wracked with depression, illness, family issues, and more…but the times I’ve made it through least scathed were the times where I tried to take a step back and see the greater picture.
It Comes Without Warning
Let me give you an example – years ago I was facing some personal issues and was driving home from court (paying a speeding ticket) and saw one of my favorite cats dead in the center of the road. Here I was happy that I’d gotten a little break from the judge only to find that something I love lay dead in front of me.
Often times we’ll find that things like this happen immediately after good things happen. Although, I’ve come to adapt the mentality of “if things are good now, they will soon get worse…and if things are bad now, they will surely get better,” it isn’t easy to adjust to the blow of pain in any circumstance.
In this example, I grieved for days and couldn’t get over the guilt of letting my cat outside before I left. Then one day I was walking through a local bookstore and saw Pema Chodron’s book: When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times
The book really helped me get through my grieving, but also to step back and realize that there are certain things in this life I simply cannot change. Things happen for reasons beyond my understanding and as painful as it may be, sometimes it has to be.
The key is to try and learn from the pain. I know you’ve probably heard it all before, but I firmly believe it to be true. Were it not for some of my most difficult times, I would not have found my way on this long and important journey. Our pain and suffering shapes us into following our true paths.
The True Root of Pain
I’ve also come to realize that a large majority of my pain comes from issues that boil down to one thing – Fear of Death.
When illness, income issues, or even marital issues come up, I realize that more times and not the stem of the pain is me being afraid of death. Now, it may seem odd, but think about it like this:
When I lose my job and I am worried about money, what I am really afraid of is that I won’t have enough time to get back what I’ve lost. Now, what I really forget in this case is that when I die, it will all be lost regardless of how much I collect or gain back. When I ignore this fact, I am ignorant of my own death and as I continue to run away from it, I continue the cycle of fear.
In the end, when I come to grips with my own mortality and realize that like it or not, someday I will perish, I can let go of my pain much easier. Holding on to pain only makes you hurt more, but realizing that in the end…no matter how much pain and suffering exists, death will come…can make the journey easier.
Buddhists focus on death because by conquering your fear of death you master much more than your own body. You master pain, suffering, and perspective. A good book to learn more about conquering your own fear of death is The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying
